My Bad X 1,000

I've sucked recently.  I thought I learned something new but it got clouded/covered/obliterated by my recent suckitude.  School started and it's my last semester and I'm having a low-self-esteem spasm.  I'm pretty much freaking out.  When I've graduated, I'll officially be an adult.  I'll have to get a job and prove to my superiors and peers every day that I'm worth something/anything at all/enough for them not to fire and laugh at me.  Freaking.  Out.  I'm terrified.  I feel totally worthless, so how am I going to lose weight and get another 4.0 and get a job and keep it?  Those are things normal people do.  People who aren't inherently shitty in numerous ways. 

This has been complete verbal diarrhea.  It's how I feel, I know it makes no sense (except the part of me that believes it).  Bleahch.  Needless to say, I haven't done well on the losing weight front.  I'm gonna make myself post something every day and see if that doesn't guilt-slap me into changing my sad, sad tune. 

Speaking of, "Sad Songs Say So Much" by Elton John came on the radio as I was typing that last paragraph.  I actually feel a tiny bit better singing with it. :-)  I guess even in my lowest moments, music can make me smile.  I may be a dork.  Oh well. :-)

-Amber

Alive And Kicking

I wanted to name this post "alive and nearly kicking" or "alive and getting ready to start kicking" but then I
realized how lame those are.  Firstly, it's bad enough to name a blog after a stupid catchphrase and those were lame, you know, language-wise.  Secondly, why almost?  It's lame of me to be all wishy-washy like that.  Why did I want to think of today as a ramp day where I slowly get back into the swing of things?  I want to lose the weight, and the massacre is over, I should be totally ready to go go go!  So now I am, thanks to seeing my own lameness.  Yay, lame-o-vision!

I'm sure tomorrow's weigh in will be terrible.  I'll probably have to start all over.  It's gonna be sad, but I can handle it.  I've learned something during the massacre, which I will share tomorrow. 

-Amber

Alive But Not Kicking

Hey guys.  Lots to tell.  Don't want to tell it, so I'm telling you that there's something to tell so I'll have to come back and finish the job later and stop avoiding this blog.  Bad me!  I know.  I'll come back prolly on Wednesday, when the impending massacre is over. 

-Amber