Tuesday, January 18, 2011

My Bad X 1,000

I've sucked recently.  I thought I learned something new but it got clouded/covered/obliterated by my recent suckitude.  School started and it's my last semester and I'm having a low-self-esteem spasm.  I'm pretty much freaking out.  When I've graduated, I'll officially be an adult.  I'll have to get a job and prove to my superiors and peers every day that I'm worth something/anything at all/enough for them not to fire and laugh at me.  Freaking.  Out.  I'm terrified.  I feel totally worthless, so how am I going to lose weight and get another 4.0 and get a job and keep it?  Those are things normal people do.  People who aren't inherently shitty in numerous ways. 

This has been complete verbal diarrhea.  It's how I feel, I know it makes no sense (except the part of me that believes it).  Bleahch.  Needless to say, I haven't done well on the losing weight front.  I'm gonna make myself post something every day and see if that doesn't guilt-slap me into changing my sad, sad tune. 

Speaking of, "Sad Songs Say So Much" by Elton John came on the radio as I was typing that last paragraph.  I actually feel a tiny bit better singing with it. :-)  I guess even in my lowest moments, music can make me smile.  I may be a dork.  Oh well. :-)


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