Saturday, December 25, 2010

A Grain Of Salt

So, while it is technically Saturday, to me it's really Friday night because I have yet to go to bed.  I'm about to go out and retrieve my laundry and then sleep.  So, for intents and purposes, weigh in is "tomorrow" and I'm telling you now, it won't be pretty.  I was sick all week pretty much (just started to feel normal again today) and with this return to normal I feel like I just woke up from a bad dream.  A nightmare, really, in which being sick was a reason to eat shit and not move.  But it was reality, folks, and the scale is going to bitchslap me tomorrow.  But right now, I'm happy with myself.  Why?  Well, I'll tell you!

Tonight, around 11 pm, I started reading blogs, and after a while, at about 2 am, something shifted.  Hard to explain..."I'll do it tomorrow" ceased to be an acceptable sentence for me to utter.  I was all like, "why not now?"  There was this lifting, this bright effortlessness, and I put my laundry in the wash and went jogging.  (Well, my current version of jogging which is walking for a bit and jogging for a bit back and forth because I still can only jog for like a minute, but still.  My current ability.)  But anyway, I traveled one mile while my laundry washed, then I put it in the dryer and kept reading.  I think I'm beginning to understand why people keep mentioning the "support" and "encouragement" and "inspiration" they get from other bloggers.  It's still a foreign concept for the most part, as it has to do with human relationships, but I get it a tiny bit now.  Apart from however that works, it's hard (even for me) to justify eating ice cream while reading a weight loss blog.  I have done that before, but I was acutely aware of the hypocrisy. :)

So, no matter what the scale says tomorrow, I'm going to take it with a smile.  Not because I'm happy to have gained weight or because I'm complacent enough to think that my behavior for most of this week was acceptable, but because today, right now, I'm back on track.  I'm doing well, right now, and that's awesome.  I believe I will have a good day tomorrow and after that, what's to stop me from stringing together a week of good days?  Not "what".  "Who".  Me, that's who, and the way I'm feeling right now, I just don't see that happening. 



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