Saturday, December 18, 2010

Week 1 Weigh In

So, I forgot to say what my starting weight was.  It was 250.  So I weighed in this morning.  253.  Why?  Because I didn't try at all until halfway through Friday.  It was finals week, and I know it sounds weird to say that I started a blog in the middle of a week where I was completely aware that I wasn't actually making any effort, but I was trying to avoid the Big Start Syndrom.  The Big Start Syndrom is where I have a day in mind, usually a Sunday or Monday, on which I'm going to change my life around and "do it right this time", and I have thoughts like "I'll be perfect!" and "it'll be different this time!"  I never am, and it never is.  I have serious problems with all-or-nothing thinking.  I'll get into that some other day.

So, my first weigh in was a bust.  You know what?  That's ok.  I know why it happened, so that part's covered, and it has done wonders for my brain as far as not letting me build up "this time" in my head like I'm going to be some paragon of sensibility and self-control.  Every time, I make one mistake and then my image of this perfect person I was going to be is no longer possible and I'm crushed.  Stupid, I know.  Jack Sh*t  (over at said something like a year and a half ago (I always have to start from the beginning when I read a new blog) that stuck with me:

“Tomorrow, my wife Anita and I have a kid-free evening, so we’re planning an overnight outing. I’m going to try to plan it out and keep things from getting too, too out of hand. This is full-scale warfare, so I know I can’t worry too much about a single skirmish here or there. Keep your perspective, and pick your battles.”

Wow.  That kind of thinking is so not mine, but I want it to be.  I need it to be.  I keep thinking about weight loss like it's a battle that I should be able to win quickly and with no casualties or I'm a pathetic loser.  Winning, but with said setbacks, would be only microscopically better than not winning at all.  And I don't think of it as a war, because I'm actually massively intimidated by it and to think of it as a war seems so long, and it's nearly too much for me, because since I'm thinking of it as something I should be able to do with no problems (and no emotions), well...that gets overwhelming quick, fast, and in a hurry.

So reading this and trying to absorb it and deliberately "starting" in the midddle of not actually making any effort has taken me miles toward not falling for the same crap.  I had no image of an impossible superperson, and I have this marvelous quote to go back to (and many others, he's quite hilarious).  I feel like I'm set.  Which is very different from what would usually go through my head if I gained three pounds in a week.  So thanks, Jack, and thanks, my foresight.  You two are awesome.

So, what's going to happen next week? 

247.  Mark my words.  I'm coming for you, Hot Me!


1 comment:

  1. Hey Amber... I'd say the blame for you not enjoying a good weigh-in was that you were stuck sitting around reading my blog from the beginning. That's a lot of nonsense to sort through...

    However, since you read a bunch of my ramblings, you know my take on this weight-loss bizness: eat less, eat a little healthier and exercise. But more than anything else, take the whole thing one day at time. Try to make today a good day and then do what you can to string good days together. It's a long haul but it's definitely not impossible.

    Good luck to you, Amber (and thanks for the shoutout).