Thursday, December 30, 2010

Day Four Of The Lipocide Experiment

Today sucked.  I mean I woke up and immediately hated everything.  I was tearing myself down, calling myself a loser and a retard, I just barely escaped snapping at people, I pretty much wanted the world to stop existing.  I really didn't want to do the workout, really really really didn't, mostly because today, you could not have convinced me that exercising would make a shit of difference because I'll always be fat and there's nothing I can do to change it, and trying just means I'm an even bigger retard that I thought.  Like seriously, a bad day.  BUT I did the stupid thing anyway.  I was sick of Jillian's face so while she was blathering I went for a mile-long walk/jog, and then I did it again while Billy was veining all over my screen.  Did I mention I hated all people today?  So some of the video time was replaced with 2 miles of walking/jogging but you know, roughly same calorie burn so whatevs.  I needed the change. 

I had another phantom scent, this time Arby's.  It was heavenly, but I told it to fuck off nonetheless.  Ha.

Today my body is sending me new signals.  I think I really pushed myself close to my limits tonight.  I was hurting in ways that I instinctively recognize as dangerous.  I checked a million times and I really am not just making excuses (trust me, I'm the first one to make that assumption) I really think I might have almost gone too far.  I'm essentially going from maybe an hour a week of exercise to what, with all the warm-ups and cool-downs in the tapes, ends up being two and a half hours per day.  That's a lot, without any kind of transition period.  I'm not saying I don't want to do it, I'm just saying...well, just like I had to remove the jog and be okay with it, maybe I'll have to take a day off tomorrow or Saturday and make myself be okay with that, too.  Not beat myself up.  It depends on how I feel tomorrow of course, I'm not deciding right now.  But I consider it a possibility, given the kind of pain I felt tonight.  But we'll see.  For now...well, I'm just glad today is almost over.


1 comment:

  1. I know that biggest loser pushes that 8 hr/day exercise, but you have to remember that what you're doing is supposed to be a lifestyle change. The normal person does not lose 100 lbs in 3 mths. You have to do what you will be able to keep doing for the next 60 years.

    I wish you luck other Amber...and if you have any questions, my inbox is always open, even if I don't respond immediately!